As I’ve mentioned a time or two, I created a website called ToMyFutureSpouse.com where men and women can write anonymous love notes to their future spouse. It’s adorable. Really. Anyway, through the last 18 months, I’ve noticed that a certain type of note creeps through the inbox every now and then. It varies depending on the sender, but the message is basically this, “Do what I want, when I want, and I’ll reward you with sex”. This type of thinking infuriates me beyond normal comprehension…and not because I’m a man who’s been in that type of relationship (it is incredibly frustrating, but I’ll save that for another time). I get that sex is fun and awesome and that’s what she said, but to reduce the physical act of love down to a reward? No, no, no…no.
I’ve written before concerning my stance on sex and its role—or lack thereof—in my life, so I’ll spare you the repeating of myself. However, it seems that the more our world develops and progresses, the more convoluted the act of sex becomes. It’s an act of love, but then it’s broken down to simply a reward. It’s an act of fulfillment, but then it’s a weapon. It’s a means of procreation, but then it’s something dirty and filled with filth. It’s something beautiful and lovely, but then it’s an addiction that requires extensive therapy. To you and to me, sex is all this and more. So how do we understand what it is if it’s constantly changing?
To combat an issue is to accept that it’s a problem in the first place. Sex may be all the things mentioned above, but its basis—its beginning—comes from a place of giving. It was meant to be a beautiful exercise (no pun intended) between man and wife so that they may feel connected and loved by one another in a way that supersedes their relative nature. Yet, due to our decadent and humanistic ways, we’ve turned it into merely an establishment of surrender and enjoyment. That which was supposed to come solely from a place of love and acceptance has been transformed into something that has become twisted and even weaponized. It’s within that fallen transformation where our generation has lost its way.
Discounting sex and its repercussions is a choice. Whether agreeing with the Biblical stance of “MARRIAGE ONLY” or not, the truth remains that disrespecting the act of sex so that it merely becomes whatever it chooses to be in our lives is a dangerous method of living. And although the choice to indulge or not is one’s own, it’s imperative to examine just what form the act of sex has taken in our lives.
If we’re wise enough to hold love—the emotional and physical aspects of it alike—in the place of reverence it was intended, we’ll dissuade ourselves from falling victim to trivial desires, which means less regret and disappointment.
Sex can be anything we allow it to be; choosing for it to be what we want is where the victory lies.
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