Someway, somehow I’ve inferred that most of my relationships have ended with me getting dumped. As much as I enjoy a sympathetic look/hug/snuggle, I feel I should set the record straight; I’ve done my fair share of ending relationships. Not only that, but I’d say I’ve broken up with a girl about as many times as I’ve been dumped by one (and yet, I bet you still consider me to be the heel just because I had to break up with a girl or two…or four. I’m blaming Taylor Swift and her stupid, sappy songs).

Regardless, now that the record has been straight and we can all have a good cry about it (hold me?), I decided to examine the reasons that made me break up with those girls in the first place. And then I thought I should make out a list for you. Whether you’re wanting to know what to avoid so you don’t lose your hunk o’ burning love, or you’re actually wondering what would make a fella take off running, I’ve got your answers right here.

Let’s proceed, shall we? Yes, let’s…

Do…Pull a “Bait and Switch”
The technique of the “bait and switch” is an advertising gimmick used by companies. They promise you one thing, but when you get there to get what you want, they tell you about all the obligations you have to address first. So, if you’re wanting to chase away that sweet boy who cares for you dearly, start acting in a way that is COMPLETELY opposite of the way that made him want to be with you in the first place.
Not only will he be turned off to the thought of being your man, but he’ll also worry for your mental health. And that’s a plus!

Don’t…Be Faithful
There’s very little that’s worse for a dude than being cheated on. It’s like a multi-sided weapon being thrust into his heart; only if his heart is then ripped out, thrown to the floor, and square danced on.
First, his girl cheated on him and that alone hurts, but then another guy got his girl away from him and that hurts his pride. Not to mention there’s the competition part of “losing” his girl to the aforementioned other guy as well (disclaimer: women are not a prize to be won or lost. Please don’t send me hate mail).
So, to effectively drive your dude away, fall into the arms of some douchebag with bedazzled jeans and way too much hair gel. It’ll get the job done quick and not-so-painless. Done and done.

Do…Refuse to Trust Him
Few things feel better than being trusted; especially when you’re trusted by someone you care about/love. But, what happens when that trust is taken away for no reason and replaced with lots of yelling and/or manhood insults? Well, a guy will feel attacked for one. And then he’s going to feel insulted.
Now, depending on how much this guy likes you, he may try to “win” your trust. This will include lots of communication and sharing on his part. He wants you to know you can trust him not to hurt you. BUT, if you’ll keep refusing to give in, he’ll eventually get fed up and walk away. Yay! (RHYME!)

Don’t…Let His Family Like You
In a relationship, it’s good—while not necessary—to have the support of both parties’ family. This makes it easier for him to bring you around his family for special occasions and what have you.
Yet, if the goal is a break up, you can do your best to make sure his family hates the very air you breathe. Do this by asking his mom if she’s gained weight or telling his dad he sure is losing a lot of hair. Even better, go after the siblings (if applicable); tell his sister she looks a bit “mannish” with that mustache she’s growing while also asking his brother if you can set him up with this cute guy you know (this only works if your beau’s brother is obviously not gay).
They’ll be burning you at the stake in no time. This will add stress to your boyfriend and we all know what stress does to a relationship if applied just right. KABOOM!

Do…Stop Shaving Your Armpits
No explanation is needed here. Go forth and be hairy like Kristen Stewart (you KNOW she doesn’t shave).

Take these five steps and wreak havoc on your relationship to the best of your diabolical abilities. Not only will you be rid of that pesky boy who loves and adores you, but you’ll also get the benefit of crying yourself to sleep at night! And that’s just a win all the way around. If not, it’s your own fault for listening to the guy who once had a mullet (it’s true…second grade was rough, you guys).

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