I’ve been writing on relationships for a little time now, and I’ve covered a lot of subjects. How to get boyfriend/girlfriend; how to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, and even what women (seem to) want. And before today, I’ve yet to take a shot at addressing what it takes to get over a relationship—or more specifically, an ex. Why? I have no idea.

As I’ve mentioned a time or two (or twenty-seven), I’ve had a relationship or two (or twenty-seven). And because those relationships ended—some cordially, some not—I’ve had to make myself get over the girl I had shared my life with. Some were easy (I’m talking about you, girl with the slight mustache who may or may not have been my first kiss), while others were more difficult (love can suck sometimes). But nevertheless, I have been able to move beyond the feelings I once held for those females. How did I do it? I’m gonna do you a favor and share my secrets, but only because I like you (and I don’t have anything better to do, let’s be honest).

Obviously, it’s easier to get over an ex when you’re the one who’s doing the breaking up and infinitely harder when you’re the one being broken up with. With that in mind, I’ve decided to address both situations with two separate posts (both of these situations have the same steps basically, but for very different reasons). Today, we’ll cover what it takes to get over your ex when you’re the one doing the breaking up. Cool? Cool.

You ready? Let’s ge-ge-get it.

Do…Cut off All Communication
I’m putting this one first because it is the most vital.
If you’re wanting to get over someone, why would you keep in contact with them? That makes no sense. To purge yourself of feelings for someone, you’ve got to cease all means of communication with them. Delete their number, quit following them on Twitter, and unfriend (is that a word?) them on the Facebook. You no talkie to the exie, comprende?
This is especially important if you’re the one who decided to end the relationship. Don’t keep initiating contact with your ex if you don’t want to be in a relationship with them; that’s cruel.
And no, the “we can still be friends, you big idiot!” rule isn’t in play here yet. You both need time to heal. A friendship can come later (maybe) when both of you no longer have feelings for the other. Done and done. Moving on…

Don’t…Immediately Move on to Someone New
This is a mistake a lot of us make (Lord knows I’ve done it enough times, dangit).
Just because one relationship ends and you may be hurting, does not give you license to move immediately on to someone else. Take time to heal and figure out what went wrong in the relationship to make it end. If you can pinpoint the issue, perhaps you can make your next relationship last—and that’s a good thing!
Remember that I’m speaking completely from experience here. Why make the same mistakes I did? I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU HERE!!

Do…Be Honest with Yourself
This step is essential in the healing process.
If the relationship ended because of you, be honest with yourself and figure out what made you unhappy in the relationship. Was it something on their end or was it something that may be wrong with you or your expectations? Like the step above, doing this will go a long way in making your next relationship a healthy one.
Plus, if is WAS their fault, you can tell everyone it was and then you can all laugh behind their back! (I’M KIDDING, YOU JERK! HOW DARE YOU?!)

Don’t…Let Your Friends Talk You into Going Back to the Ex
This has happened…to me (*hangs head in shame*). You know the relationship isn’t a fit or what you’re wanting, and yet, because you two were part of a group of friends, you let everyone talk you into getting back together.
I understand that we all like having friends and being happy and rainbows and puppies and what not, but if we’re in a relationship for someone else, problems WILL be had and things will (most likely) not end very well for anyone involved.
Didn’t you people see Alladin? Jasmine was NOT about to let her daddy or anyone else pick out her husband for her. No way, no how.
You go, girl! Mmhmm…

Do…Be Nice
When a relationship ends, it’s very, very, very, VERY easy to say less-than-sweet things about your ex. Why? Because we want to win the breakup! DUH! (see season 2 of How I Met Your Mother) However, if you’re saying nasty things about a person you just broke up with, how do you think that really makes you look? Not good.
Keep things civil and when someone asked for the juicy tidbit of gossip they’re assuming you have, simply say things didn’t work out and leave it at that. There’s no reason to go all Gossip Girl on an ex; they’re already hurting enough from you putting their heart in the blender!
Plus, if you remain positive in your treatment of your ex, you can keep from becoming bitter about the whole situation and that’s always a good thing!
(I’m assuming that GG reference was right; I’ve never seen an episode. Proudly.)

Apply these five tips diligently and you’ll be over your ex in a proper amount of time. If not, you didn’t do it right and it’s all your fault, not mine (nothing is ever my fault, duh).

(Part II coming Friday. Thanks for reading!)

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