If there’s something I hate at all in this world, it’s the feeling of being jealous. We’ve all felt it. Our ears burn and our anger and imagination run amok. Someone has something we want, or have accomplished something we wanted to accomplish, and we feel as if our world has been set on fire.

I, for one, am bad about being jealous for the tiniest, fleeting of moments. I see another writer being offered a book deal or backhandedly bragging about the traffic their blog is getting (we bloggers are a notoriously braggadocios bunch, but we do it with faux-humility so it’s okay) and I want what they have; I want to be where they are as a writer. But then I remember that I write because I love it more than anything; that I do it so that others can learn from the mistakes I’ve made in God, Life, and Love and not to be rich or famous (brut honesty: it’s likely that neither will ever happen). Yet, during those small moments of ragged jealousy, I become as a child, coveting for something that is not mine.

Jealousy is never more damaging than when it occurs within the confines of a romantic relationship. We see our girl talking to another guy and rage swells between our temples, or you see your fella flirting with another girl—maybe on purpose, maybe not—and suddenly you want to set everything on fire (don’t deny your pyromaniac tendencies, ladies). But where does that jealousy come from? What makes us become so incensed with doubt and enraged feelings that we become angry, and even volatile? Look within the heart.

I’ve long maintained that the things we are most jealous of are the things with which we are most insecure. I become jealous of other writers because I’m not always certain that I’m a good enough writer to be able to write for a living one day. We become jealous of our significant other chatting up another guy/gal because perhaps we aren’t absolutely sure we’re everything they want in a partner. It’s even possible that we don’t trust them, so that feeling of jealousy is easily raised with even the slightest bit of provocation (Note: if you’re making your partner jealous on purpose, grow up. Seriously. No one enjoys those kinds of games. And if you’re putting someone through that kind of torture just to get their attention, you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship). It’s within those insecurities where our jealousy resides. So how do we fix it?

I believe that jealousy is simply a part of human nature; a small bit of it will always be with us, ready to pop up at a moment’s notice. But if we can discover and heal the core of these insecurities, we can avoid dealing with constant feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.

If we can work on our own selves and rectify the insecurities that hold us back, we can participate in our romance—and life in general—with a joyous heart and trusting nature. Not only will we be happier individuals, but our relationships will be stronger as well.

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