This past week, I received a heartbreaking email from a young lady from Denmark named Rebekah. Within her correspondence, Rebekah mentioned realizing just how many young women had been sexually abused in some way or another. She then proceeded to ask if good guys care if a girl has the sort of “baggage” that comes with a sexually abused past. Were those girls worthy of a good, holy man who would treat them right or were they doomed to a future of settling for a lesser man simply because a “good” guy wouldn’t want to be with a girl like them?

Reading Rebekah’s email, I found myself on the verge of tears. I was hurting for these women and wanted to help each one of them.
I considered simply responding to her email and leaving it at that, but then I realized that there had to be more women dealing with this issue than just the ones Rebekah knew. I couldn’t limit my response to just them. I felt like I had to write on the subject so that as many women as possible could read the response to such a tragic situation that they themselves may be facing or dealing with.

This is that.

_____________

First, allow me to be frank: regardless of what has happened to you, what has been forced upon you, or what has been done to you, it is not your fault. Not even a miniscule bit.
A man or woman forcing themselves upon you isn’t the result of your words or actions. I don’t care what you’ve been told or how you’ve been treated by naysayers in the past; any type of sexual abuse that you’ve encountered is in no way your fault. The fault and blame lie solely in the piece of trash who decided to force themselves on you without your consent or willing participation.
More than anything, I need you to believe that and I need you to accept it. Doing so is the very first step in realizing that you are worth more than your past would dictate.
You are not to blame for your past. Truer words I have never written.

In Rebekah’s email, she asked if good guys care if a girl has been sexually abused. To be honest, yes, they probably do. However, if a man cannot accept you for who you are now—baggage and history included—then he most certainly does not deserve to be with you in the first place.
As I mentioned above, what you’ve been through is not your fault.
So if a man sees your past as a dark smudge on who you are as a person to the point that he struggles with being with you in a romantic sense, then get away from him because he isn’t worthy of your attention or affection.
There are good, wholesome men out there who are quietly waiting for a chance to love and cherish you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will ever be. This is the kind of man you and every other woman deserve.

Most importantly, you deserve a partner—and a life—that is everything you want and require. Your past does not preclude you from being happy or satisfied, nor does it mean that you have to settle for someone who looks upon you with a stare reserved for used or second-hand goods.
You are worthy of the one who will treat you as lovely and wonderful as you’ve ever dreamed. You deserve to be loved and cherished because of your past, not in spite of it. You are worthy of a romance that is understanding and beautiful and ever-lasting.

Do not settle just because you feel your past dictates you should.
You’ve been through hell and you’ve survived. For that, you deserve to be treated like the strong, vibrant woman you are.

And the man worthy of your time and love will understand that, no matter what you’ve been through or what’s been done to you.

You are worthy of goodness.

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My debut novel, ”These Were the Nights“ will be available everywhere this spring.
Thank you for reading.